Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
