girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
