he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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