I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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