WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
