his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
