I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
