never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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