His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
