are you so shy because you have an std?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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