i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
