Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
