He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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