we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
