Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Are we still banned from the library?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
