We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
