Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
