I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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