Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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