dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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