Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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