Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
