Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
