Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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