she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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