giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize