a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
