so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
