Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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