PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
