I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
