i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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