alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
