Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
