had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
