Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
