im drinking this country out of the recession.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
