Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
