um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize