I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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