dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
