you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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