dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
