So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize