In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Someone signed my nipple.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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