Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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