Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
