dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
organizing the empties. That sober.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
