The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
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I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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