5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
