oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Plan B is the new Plan A
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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