New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
