The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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