My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
