i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
