look no pants
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize