And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
