Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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