I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
