Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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