I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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