Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
