he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
