I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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