You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
