Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
