she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
