It's Friday. Sex?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
