Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
