she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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