your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
