Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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