I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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