so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
