i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
