it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
