I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
