i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
