Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
