I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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