Hey man sorry I got all grabby
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
