i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
