I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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