Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
