if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
