i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
