So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
