it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
