im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
